Best Slasher Movies

I missed this one the first time around and I really don’t know how. Midnight Meat Train is an incredible adaptation of another incredible Clive Barker short story.

The people that complain about Midnight Meat Train the most seem to be the ones who don’t like gore. That would pose a serious problem for anyone that watches this film as it is quite gory. There is a lot of blood shed on that creepy train but at the same time, I never felt it was over the top. It was necessary to really show the brutality of our killer (the always amazing Vinnie Jones).

One of the things I liked most about Midnight Meat Train was the setting. It was everything it needed to be. The pacing could be a tad slow at times, but that’s really the only complaint I had. Perhaps it would’ve worked better as a short story, but overall, an excellent movie with great performances by Bradley Cooper and Brooke Shields.

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I really don’t understand why people who don’t like horror movies go to see horror movies. “Oh there are so many plot holes!” “Oh why did she do that?” “In real life she wouldn’t be doing that.”  Here’s a piece of advice for anyone that uttered any of the above statements or asked any of the above questions during Amusement – stop watching slasher movies. Seriously, do all of us a favor and just stop. I don’t wanna hear your whining and you presumably don’t want to waste your time.

I think the people that complain the loudest about Amusement were the ones that were scared most by it. There are some great performances and the movie is generally very scary. Sure there are plot holes but nothing as glaring and obvious as the bad reviews would have you believe. And as for characters doing things you consider stupid, if you took out those things, what would you be left with for a movie?

Amusement has some excellent gore and a decent cast. It isn’t a taut, suspenseful cat and mouse thriller, but it’s an entertaining movie that’s worth a lot more than the naysayers give it credit for,

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Captivity… isn’t terribly unique and there are some decent sized plot holes that might be a bit hard to ignore. There are some moments that are so ridiculous you’ll be screaming at the screen and begging for the characters to die. The cliched unseen killer in black gloves pissed off a lot of people off although I thought it worked and helped the tense vibe of the movie.

I guess what I’m trying to say is Captivity isn’t a perfect movie. It has many, many flaws. So why should you watch it? Because Captivity also has Elisha Cuthbert (TV’s 24, House of Wax) and she’s crazy hot. If that isn’t reason enough, there’s also some excellent gore and some real scares. It’s creepy, frightening and looks good. Plus… Elisha. Nuff said.

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With Hostel: Part II, Eli Roth takes a bit of a different approach and while some think it was a failure, I see it as not necessarily a success, but a damn good try. He doesn’t focus as much on the gore, works on his characters more and gives the entire film more of a psychological feel. The truly chilling nature of this movie is found more in the mood than in the blood, and I think that took guts (no pun intended) on Roth’s part.

It would have been easy to make a carbon copy of Hostel here and honestly, I was a bit concerned that’s what Hostel: Part II would be when it opens with the sole survivor of the first, Paxton – played once again by Jay Hernandez. As much as I like Jay, I was glad to see he didn’t stick around long. In the end, bringing Paxton back tied both movies together nicely.

The cast in Hostel: Part II is equally as good as the cast of the original and I was especially glad to see Bijou Philips (Wizards of Gore). She did a great job playing Whitney and I look forward to seeing her in more horror movies.

All said, Hostel: Part II is a admirable attempt by Eli Roth to develop characters a little better and make people care about who is being hacked up instead of just waiting for it to happen. Maybe he fell a little short, but he came damn close.

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Let’s get this out of the way first. I love Wes Bently. I have loved him since American Beauty. I will watch anything with him in it, so P2 was pretty much a must see for me from the get go. I wasn’t disappointed.

Sure there’s a few things in P2 I found a little hard to swallow but that’s to be expected with a movie like this. All in all the performances were great. You like Wes Bentley’s Thomas, psychotic as he may be but you really root for Angela (played fabulously by Rachel Nichols) to win. Thomas is a formidable opponent though, so what results is great edge of your seat suspense. This is a nail bitter all the way.

What’s great is Angela isn’t stupid like most hot chicks in horror movies. She makes some smart choices and you sincerely don’t know what’s going to happen to the end. Who wins? Watch the movie and find out.

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Seed is… uh, not an easy movie to watch – even for the most depraved gore-hound. I myself almost didn’t make it through the opening scene. The point of having real life Peta footage of animals getting tortured and killed was lost on me. There is a little disclaimer saying they were included as social commentary and an address for Peta is given. That may have been fine had any comment on society been made. The footage is used in a more sensational and exploitative way than to further make a point about animal cruelty. I really am at a loss here, folks and that feeling didn’t go away for the duration of the film.

There is a lot of great gore. I can say that for it. The movie is a bloody mess and for that reason alone I’m posting it on this site. Not all the movies I post here are among my favorites because that’s not what this site is about. This site is about blood and guts and hey, sometimes I bend the rules. Sometimes I post movies that are a little light on the gore but heavy in the horror. In the interest of pleasing my audience, I think it’s only fair that I post Seed so you can choose to watch it if the mood strikes you. I just want to make sure that by posting it here, no one is under the mistaken idea that I’m actually endorsing or recommending it.

It wasn’t just the animal footage that bothered me about Seed, although it may be what bothered me most. The entire premise felt hollow and empty – and more than a little ridiculous. The police seem like halfwits and the killer seems almost supernatural in the way he can be every where at once. I can over look that in a horror movie if it’s entertaining or fun, but this movie is neither.

Now, I’m not against Uwe Boll as a lot of people seem to be. Anyone that challenges their critics to boxing matches (even if the bad reviews are more than a little fair) is okay in my books. I’m not even going to say all his movies are horrid. I haven’t seen them all. I’m one of the few people that liked Alone in the Dark, They Wait and Bloodrayne. That said, this movie… has no point and although that’s true of a lot of slasher movies, most of them don’t try to pretend they do. Bunch of kids get hacked to bits, the end. Seed seems to want to say something, but it falls short – way short.

I commend Uwe Boll’s efforts on behalf of animal right. He really seems to be passionately against animal abuse and torture, but I think the footage in question could’ve been better used. Not nearly enough was done with it to make a valid – or even close to valid – point.

So enough of that. I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel about what doesn’t work with Seed. Here’s what does. Uwe Boll has succeeded in making a film that is truly disturbing, graphic and frightening. There are some extremely disturbing images and some excellent gore (especially the five-minute scene with a hammer). If nothing else, Seed is a good movie for conversation even if it’s just a 500+ word rant to an invisible audience about why you thought it sucked.

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