Let’s lay off the Lindsay Lohan bashing, okay? I mean, c’mon, at this point it’s kinda beating a dead horse, is it not? What can be said about the girl that hasn’t been said a million times? She has problems. She has a lot of problems. Can we just move the fuck on already?

Lindsay Lohan has been cast in Machete and people are pissed. Can I just say I don’t understand that in the least? People are actually planning on skipping what can only be an amazing movie because they don’t like one of the actresses in it. Whatever happened to giving something a chance? Whatever happened to having an open mind? Whatever happened to not being a complete idiot who just follows the crowd?

“Lindsay Lohan robs this movie of all credibility.” Okay, so that’s not a direct quote from any particular place – more a basic summary of the main argument against casting Lindsay in Machete. Ridiculous – completely fuckin’ bananas. Who in the hell cares about that shit? I mean, really – have you seen the trailer? (if not, click here) When did this movie have credibility to begin with? Machete is brought to us by the fine folks that gave us Planet Terror and Death Proof. These movies had no point and no purpose, but they were both completely fuckin’ badass. I have seen Planet Terror more times than I can possibly count and Fergie was in that. Fergie. This is a girl that sang about her humps her humps her humps. Her lovely lady lumps. Come on! You wanna talk credibility? Talk about that!

Grindhouse makes movies like movies should be made; smart dialogue, good action, big boobs and lots of guts – both literally and figuratively. I trust Tarantino and Rodriguez to deliver a quality flick and I would go to Machete no matter who they cast in it.

But hey, let’s talk about that cast, shall we? Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba (who actually bothers me much more than Lohan. I have never seen her in a good movie), Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, Jeff Fahey (who I adored in the above mentioned Planet Terror) and finally, ROBERT fuckin’ DE NIRO. Robert De Niro, people. You wanna talk about credibility? Fuck Lohan, Machete has De Niro. That man… well, fuck, if you don’t know, I’m wasting my time anyway.

If you’re not going to see Machete because Lindsay Lohan’s in it, then I feel sincerely sorry for you. I really do. There is no way this movie is going to be anything short of amazing. Need proof? Shut up and watch the trailer then ask yourself, do I really want Lindsay Lohan to have that kind of control over my life? If you don’t see Machete, you’re letting Lohan win, and we don’t want that now, do we? Yeah… think about that.

Don’t agree? Tell me! The comment box is there for a reason, folks.

Love,
Slasherella.

……

Good God, I cannot wait for this movie! I can’t. I just… argh! I’m so excited. No more can be said. Too… ugh. I can’t deal. I can’t even deal. Click… ‘read more of this gory tale’ and… just watch the trailer. Now.

All the elements of a perfect zombie movies are in place in Planet Terror. Hot girls in skimpy outfits, comedy, action and buckets of blood and brains. Throw in a few gratuitous shots of herpes riddled genitals and you have a masterpiece.

Quick Summary: Rose McGowan plays a stripper who has a machine gun for a leg. Is that’s not enough reason to see the movie on it’s own, how about we throw in Bruce Willis, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton (in what may be my favorite performance in the film), Naveen Andrews, Jeff Fahey and a cameo from Mr. Quentin Tarantino himself and the cast is golden. Perfect. Flawless and enough gore to satisfy even the most demanding blood-luster.

Love the movie? Buy the DVD:

Grindhouse Presents, Planet Terror – Extended and Unrated (Two-Disc Special Edition)

Blu-Ray

Planet Terror (2-Disc Special Edition) [Blu-ray]

Love Planet Terror? Pick up the limited edition two disc version with steel book case and bonus DVD. Rare item and limited availability!

Grindhouse Presents: Planet Terror – 2 DVD set W/Bonus DVD and Limited Edition Steel Book Case