Best Slasher Movies

Boobs and boobs then blood and some more blood. What more do you want from a movie called Donkey Punch. The movie is about exactly what you think it’s about. Three girls on vacation meet some boys and an orgy ensues. During said orgy, one of the boys decides to try out the good ‘ole donkey punch, killing the poor girl he’s trying it out on. Much slashing and carnage ensues.

Don’t go into this one expecting stellar performances and a taut, suspenseful thriller. That’s just not what Donkey Punch is all about. It’s a fun, stupid movie to watch and have fun. The performances aren’t terrible, but no one’s gonna take home any little gold statues for it, either.

I’m putting Donkey Punch under “Adults Only” because of the expected amount of full frontal male and female nudity. It’s not really pornographic, but the penis content is high, so if you’re offended by that particular organ, perhaps you should skip this one – and generally avoid movies whose titles refer to kinky sex acts. Just a tip.

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People, really… lighten up. I was browsing some reviews for Gutterballs and it struck me that people, in general, really don’t get the point of these 80’s throwback slashers. It’s not like it’s hard to understand. There is no point. It’s just fun and stupid and gory and disturbing.

The rape scene was horrifying.  It was completely hideous and over the top. Revolting! Disgusting! But did it glorify rape? Well, it didn’t make me want to rape anyone. I can’t speak for the rest of the people that watched this movie, but I’d have to say probably not. It wasn’t meant to be arousing. It was just what it is. One horrific thing that happens in a movie full of horrific things. Gutterballs glorifies rape about as much as it glorifies bowling.

I did have a problem with the ’sex change’ scene. I thought it was disgusting, but it just made me hate the killers more and look forward to them getting their just rewards as I knew there would. That’s just the way things work in these movies. The killers get theirs and one person – always a chick – survives to tell the story. The end.

The acting is so bad it’s laughable but the girls are hot, so don’t complain. This isn’t a movie to stimulate the brain. It’s a movie to watch blood and guts fly. Just enjoy it for that. If the rape scene bothers you too much, close your eyes.

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I’m offering you this gem with no strings attached because you just need to see it that bad. One-Eyed Monster is not to be missed and here’s why: Ron Jeremy’s penis is the killer. It’s… oh, it’s all too much fun. How exactly does a penis kill someone? Well, you’ll have to watch the movie to find out, but you won’t regret it.

The thing that got me about One-Eyed Monster more than anything is the acting. It’s… well, it’s not bad. I mean, no one’s going to win any awards or anything, but considering it’s a slasher movie about porn stars, I really didn’t expect much in that department.

Now, I would think this goes without saying, but there will undoubtedly be some stupid people that go into this expecting a serious movie. It’s not. I mean, it’s a movie about a killer penis. How could that possibly be taken seriously?

What One-Eyed Monster is, is a lot of fun. Don’t over-think it and you’ll have a blast.

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