Best Slasher Movies

Based on the infamous double initial killings out of Rochester, New York, The Alphabet Killer is exactly what you’d expect – suspenseful, scary and completely unsatisfying in the end and I don’t necessarily mean unsatisfying in a bad way.

The movie is only loosely based on the real life events, but even so, the real alphabet killer is still unknown so for that reason alone, I think the ending worked well. Yes, it was frustrating, but to have the killer arrested would’ve felt like a cop-out.

The Alphabet Killer boasts a cast of some of my horror favorites. We have the gorgeous Eliza Dushku (Wrong Turn) in the best performance of the movie with a supporting cast that includes Cary Elwes (Saw) and the always fabulous Bill Moseley (Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Army of Darkness) – all turning in incredible performances.

Overall, The Alphabet Killer isn’t the type of movie that stays with you for weeks after viewing it, but it is a decent serial killer that leaves you feeling unsettled and disturbed – and that’s why we watch these movies, isn’t it?

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Horror remakes suck. Everything about them sucks and I’m not even going to bother watching the stupid movie because I know it’s going to suck. Then I’m gonna write a review and tell everyone it sucks because that’s just how cool I am. Then everyone else is going to say it sucks and then I’ll sit back and laugh at what I helped create – a chain of bad reviews that will most likely doom the movie to never be seen by anyone because people are mindless sheep and believe what the media says about everything all the time.

Okay, so clearly that isn’t my point of view, but that seems to be the point of view of most of the people that reviewed Mirrors because Mirrors was a pretty decent movie – one of the better remakes that’s come out in the last little while. Kiefer Sutherland is great in it and the movie succeeds every way a horror movie should. It’s scary, gory and uses its creepy setting to its full potential.

The biggest problem with Mirrors is its attempt to explain what’s going on. Since there are such heavy supernatural elements, it’s hard to rationalize it in a believable and logical way. The movie would’ve been better off letting the viewer decide what’s going on instead of trying to make it make sense.

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People, really… lighten up. I was browsing some reviews for Gutterballs and it struck me that people, in general, really don’t get the point of these 80’s throwback slashers. It’s not like it’s hard to understand. There is no point. It’s just fun and stupid and gory and disturbing.

The rape scene was horrifying.  It was completely hideous and over the top. Revolting! Disgusting! But did it glorify rape? Well, it didn’t make me want to rape anyone. I can’t speak for the rest of the people that watched this movie, but I’d have to say probably not. It wasn’t meant to be arousing. It was just what it is. One horrific thing that happens in a movie full of horrific things. Gutterballs glorifies rape about as much as it glorifies bowling.

I did have a problem with the ’sex change’ scene. I thought it was disgusting, but it just made me hate the killers more and look forward to them getting their just rewards as I knew there would. That’s just the way things work in these movies. The killers get theirs and one person – always a chick – survives to tell the story. The end.

The acting is so bad it’s laughable but the girls are hot, so don’t complain. This isn’t a movie to stimulate the brain. It’s a movie to watch blood and guts fly. Just enjoy it for that. If the rape scene bothers you too much, close your eyes.

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I’m offering you this gem with no strings attached because you just need to see it that bad. One-Eyed Monster is not to be missed and here’s why: Ron Jeremy’s penis is the killer. It’s… oh, it’s all too much fun. How exactly does a penis kill someone? Well, you’ll have to watch the movie to find out, but you won’t regret it.

The thing that got me about One-Eyed Monster more than anything is the acting. It’s… well, it’s not bad. I mean, no one’s going to win any awards or anything, but considering it’s a slasher movie about porn stars, I really didn’t expect much in that department.

Now, I would think this goes without saying, but there will undoubtedly be some stupid people that go into this expecting a serious movie. It’s not. I mean, it’s a movie about a killer penis. How could that possibly be taken seriously?

What One-Eyed Monster is, is a lot of fun. Don’t over-think it and you’ll have a blast.

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Wolf Creek, somewhat based on the true crime story of The Backpack Murders, consistently shows up on lists of the best slasher movies ever made, so I had to include it here. Not only is it one of the best, it’s one of my personal favorites.

Perhaps one of the things that makes Wolf Creek so effective is the first half of the movie. You really get to know the characters and that’s so rare in a genre where character development usually takes a back seat to gore. Wolf Creek shows us that yes, a movie can be violent and bloody but it’s also possible to make an audience care about who is shedding the blood.

The usual horror/slasher movie cliches are almost non-existent in Wolf Creek and the characters react to what’s happening in very believable and very real ways. It’s almost impossible not to get drawn in to what’s going on. The movie doesn’t get going right away – taking time to really make you feel for the characters while building tension and suspense. The signs are there that things are going to go bad for these poor bastards, but one of the greatest strengths of Wolf Creek is that it doesn’t rush anything.

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I’m sure The Reaping doesn’t qualify as a slasher movie. I’m not even sure I would classify it a horror movie. That said, it is a good movie that I felt was worth posting. It has a very creepy feel and there are some disturbing images that I think make it appropriate for inclusion on this site. Sorry if you disagree, but it’s my damn site, thank you very much. Now let’s get on to the movie.

Hillary Swank is one of my favorite actresses and one of the main reasons I chose to see The Reaping. The trailer looked alright, but I’ve never been a big fan of Biblical plots. I was pleasantly surprised by The Reaping, though, and I think you will be too.

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Captivity… isn’t terribly unique and there are some decent sized plot holes that might be a bit hard to ignore. There are some moments that are so ridiculous you’ll be screaming at the screen and begging for the characters to die. The cliched unseen killer in black gloves pissed off a lot of people off although I thought it worked and helped the tense vibe of the movie.

I guess what I’m trying to say is Captivity isn’t a perfect movie. It has many, many flaws. So why should you watch it? Because Captivity also has Elisha Cuthbert (TV’s 24, House of Wax) and she’s crazy hot. If that isn’t reason enough, there’s also some excellent gore and some real scares. It’s creepy, frightening and looks good. Plus… Elisha. Nuff said.

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If you’re read my reviews of the The Grudge and The Grudge 2, you know I wasn’t really a huge fan of this series. They were interesting and not as bad as the reviews made them sound, but they weren’t great either. I still decided to give The Grudge 3 a chance. I was especially unsure of it as it was one of those direct to video sequels that usually blow the big one. To my surprise, The Grudge 3 wasn’t that bad – in fact, I liked it more than its two predecessors.

Going with Shawnee Smith (Saw series, Repo! The Genetic Opera) was a great choice. I love the girl. She alone made the movie worth watching.

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So, The Grudge 2 is not only a sequel, but the sequel to an American remake of a Japanese horror movie. I don’t think I need to further comment on why my expectations weren’t terribly high going into this one. I decided to give it a go anyway. I figured I might be surprised. And I was – pleasantly, even.

The Grudge 2 is nothing new. There isn’t really any furthering of the story aside from adding a slight twist to the curse from the original. The poor victims of the curse no longer need to enter the cursed house to fall prey to the evil – it follows the afflicted so that anyone that comes in contact with them also suffers. It made for a more workable plot and added a little something to the story.

Other than that, the scares are the same and so is the general creepy feel the first remake had. The story is told a little differently as well, and I think that’s where a lot of the negative reviews came from. If you’re not paying attention or generally have a logic deficiency, you may have a hard time following the direction The Grudge 2 takes. Everything comes together in the last ten minutes, though, so be patient.

And let’s not talk about the ‘plot twist’. If you don’t see that coming I’m  not sure there’s hope for you.

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I’ve always liked Sarah Michelle Geller so I was pretty excited to see her in The Grudge, and I’m going to be honest – I’m still (five years later) not sure if I liked this movie or not.

Let’s be honest – in general, American remakes of Japanese horror films suck. It’s just a fact, so there’s not much point in exploring that further. The Grudge is of course one of those American remakes and whether or not it’s better than the average film in this category is really something I’ve never really been able to decide.

The Grudge succeeds in being creepy and giving the audience plenty of decent jump scares. I’m one of the few that actually really liked the ending. Although it’s not overly gory, it is frightening and if that’s what’s what you’re looking for, this is a good movie for you – a good, creepy, watch-with-the-lights-out movie with gorgeous Sarah Michelle Geller in the lead role.

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