Okay slasher fans… we need to talk. I’m serious. I’m starting to get a little pissed off here and I need to get this off my chest. No… don’t talk – just listen. Here goes.

Let’s lay off the Lindsay Lohan bashing, okay? I mean, c’mon, at this point it’s kinda beating a dead horse, is it not? What can be said about the girl that hasn’t been said a million times? She has problems. She has a lot of problems. Can we just move the fuck on already?

Lindsay Lohan has been cast in Machete and people are pissed. Can I just say I don’t understand that in the least? People are actually planning on skipping what can only be an amazing movie because they don’t like one of the actresses in it. Whatever happened to giving something a chance? Whatever happened to having an open mind? Whatever happened to not being a complete idiot who just follows the crowd?

“Lindsay Lohan robs this movie of all credibility.” Okay, so that’s not a direct quote from any particular place – more a basic summary of the main argument against casting Lindsay in Machete. Ridiculous – completely fuckin’ bananas. Who in the hell cares about that shit? I mean, really – have you seen the trailer? (if not, click here) When did this movie have credibility to begin with? Machete is brought to us by the fine folks that gave us Planet Terror and Death Proof. These movies had no point and no purpose, but they were both completely fuckin’ badass. I have seen Planet Terror more times than I can possibly count and Fergie was in that. Fergie. This is a girl that sang about her humps her humps her humps. Her lovely lady lumps. Come on! You wanna talk credibility? Talk about that!

Grindhouse makes movies like movies should be made; smart dialogue, good action, big boobs and lots of guts – both literally and figuratively. I trust Tarantino and Rodriguez to deliver a quality flick and I would go to Machete no matter who they cast in it.

But hey, let’s talk about that cast, shall we? Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba (who actually bothers me much more than Lohan. I have never seen her in a good movie), Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, Jeff Fahey (who I adored in the above mentioned Planet Terror) and finally, ROBERT fuckin’ DE NIRO. Robert De Niro, people. You wanna talk about credibility? Fuck Lohan, Machete has De Niro. That man… well, fuck, if you don’t know, I’m wasting my time anyway.

If you’re not going to see Machete because Lindsay Lohan’s in it, then I feel sincerely sorry for you. I really do. There is no way this movie is going to be anything short of amazing. Need proof? Shut up and watch the trailer then ask yourself, do I really want Lindsay Lohan to have that kind of control over my life? If you don’t see Machete, you’re letting Lohan win, and we don’t want that now, do we? Yeah… think about that.

Don’t agree? Tell me! The comment box is there for a reason, folks.

Love,
Slasherella.